texas_chainsaw_header__spanI love going to see ‘Slasher’ remakes at the cinema. It’s the atmosphere, the shared experience of a pact out theatre where everyone laughs, screams, and hides behind whatever’s available at the same time which makes it so much fun. It’s having that sensation of fear experienced in a safe environment surrounded by people who find it as daft and stupid as you do when handfuls of expendable characters are terrorized and killed in imaginative and down right ridiculous ways.

It’s less about fear and more about being entertainment. Unlike the original ‘Slasher’ flicks (Friday the 13th,  Nightmare on Elm Street, Sorority Row et cetera) most remakes are made tongue in cheek. There all about sex, drugs, gore, and any stereotype they can fit in, but more than anything there predictable. And that’s what I love most about them. That’s why I went to see Texas Chainsaw 3D.

After seeing the trailer I thought it looked so bad (As they all do) that it would turn out to be great. Nope. It looked so bad and turned out to be just as bad. It starts off pretty well, the opening credits are footage of the original film which merge into new footage showing the passing of time to pick up where the original left off, but from here it takes a sudden nose dive. It takes itself too seriously, the characters aren’t hammed up and don’t play on their stereotype enough (though you can see which typical teenage stereotype they fit from a mile away). You don’t get to know anything about them before they’re dumped in the middle of nowhere fighting for their lives so you have no interest whether they live or die. Even Heather (Alexandra Daddario), the ‘final girl’, though she is far from worthy of the title, reveals practically nothing about herself except that she’s related to Leatherface.  The characters are so one-dimensional you actually find yourself rooting for Leatherface to kill them.

The story is weak and takes elements from many other ‘Slasher’ flicks who do it far better, and the end is laughable (not in a good way). It’s the worst ‘Slasher’ remake I’ve seen so far and the acting was terrible even by the ‘Slasher’ remake standard. It doesn’t take advantage of its 18 certificate unlike others that throw in as many as possible gratuitous sex scenes and nudity along with countless upward camera angles on women’s backsides, instead it toys with the audience but never actually does anything. There isn’t enough of anything to keep people entertained, it’s just rubbish.

I got to see the film for free (one of the few perks of working at a cinema) and I still feel I paid too much because I paid with two hours of my life. An absolute rip off!

Don’t waste your time or money. Instead go and buy Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Sorority Row, or even When a Stranger Calls, or better still watch all the originals.

About charlotteweston

I'm a traveller, not a tourist

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